wait....

look who's talking now....

parts of me...

...miss being lonely. Cuz i lose some parts of me, when im not.

More

cognitive dissonance
for me.

Hole in the wall

sittin in the position of the chooser,
unfortunately the choices lack appeal and amusement,
so who's the loser.
First or the latter?
the other.
In reality we need each other.
I'll carry you along to feel in control of some bit of reality.
You whine for me as if im the only reality left. i pine for those with hearts already left. I pine for those who have taken my heart and left.
Left-
right way of moving.
To leave (past tense).
To move from one place to another,
get up and GO.
All of the above.
All of the below...
Now the names of all those...those who have the pieces...you, etc etc etc. Which piece did you pull?
just curious, I'm tryin to fill in the puzzle, impossible
when my soul cannot be mended with
fools gold,
you broke me down to a token fiend, took the key and locked me
to be with me.
just, me.
my id, my ego,
blended.
Now only mind, for my
core is empty.
I can't see whose responsible for these quarrels, whose
pulling my curls, whose
scribing these words, on these walls,
who's who?
Understanding the broken hearted lose.
We hear that it may have not been meant to be, but all we see is the holes in this argument. We peek
through holes to the world outside, desperate to get outside, breathing through the vent
because I cant even stand my stench,
i reak of sweat and piss because when i dream of you
i keep my ass sleeping,
i keep rolling around in it,
rolling around in this false realities, rolling around in this. Soiled sheets. Fresh soil.
I sink in these holes that I've DUG,
too many holes, too deep of holes.
When I think of holes, I think of love.
I think of how I'd be if life never brought it up.
How we'd be if we just never brought it up.

stress comes from

N. V.

and i am N.V. US.


..................
follow my lead
if you can even see my feet from where you stand
I'm bout ten paces fast forward
or maybe behind
rewind
so you can catch me
but you let go of that one
so why would you wanna?

my mistake.
carry on

unresolved

issues that need to be addressed...

o.k. 2

I hope you're O.K. Too...

s.e.

It's not a matter of having somethin...
It's a matter of having something real.

I don wanna drag a bag of fools gold back to the camp thinkin I've struck rich.
I'd rather not attach that at the hip.

A Ms. Ing piece

Where are all the fish like me?

water?

"there's plenty other fish in the sea", but what for those living in the desert?


curve posture. sigh.

Mic check

i don wanna mic. I wanna paper and pen, i don need to sing to pass a note.
i realize alotta the stuff i wear looks better in theory.
i don know why i have this blogspot.
alotta this is just thought, and even for those who actually hear me, they dont here me.
my words are just words in a blog draft that im writing because they have worth to me. So this way ill save em and ill have a page with em all posted so when i come back its like an open book. I just scroll down.
What is this? A poem? no. again, just thoughts. I feel im very misunderstood but why? I dont underSTOOD that part because i feel like I say everything just the way i mean it. And i even say the things that your supposed to just read between the lines. I tell it all. Ask and I tell. Tell and i ask. Simple. I think. But, I guess for a mind like mine maybe its easier to understood a mind like mine. I might be alotta be OFF. Off to the point you wonder what im on. I always address "you" but i dont even have a "you" in mind. So i address the reader as "you", even tho im writing this for "ME". hmmm...at this point, "YOU" might have stopped reading but "ME" is still writing and maybe ill never even come back to this and "ME" will never read it again. hmmmmm...my thoughts are...._________? Lost, everywhere. How can you be lost if you are everywhere? lol. You cant right because you are in multiple places? NO, and everywhere implies there is not one place that you are not. So....accordingly, I may be in all of the "wrong", "lost" places, buttttt I must admit the one location that I am at that is the right one. If there are twenty coins...one penny, and 19 dimes....and I have "ALL" the coins...then i have all the dimes (lost places), and ONE PENNY (RIGHT PLACE). :) hmmmmmm so there we go back to the real, and basic point....the answer is already here...its a matter of disciphering whichhhhhhhhh piece is right. Um, thats not the only point...but its enough to give some sense to all this bumbin gums (for any "READER" that happen to find interest in this and endure all the spit, drool, saliva, whatever. Whatevers in my mouth...or head. or whatever.

regrets

why people always gotta learn the hard way? i think thats ninety nine percent of people. people wanna try the grass on the other side or 20% but havent they heard all those sayings like i have? Idk. I just notice that im the person that listens. I will take the caution signs as advisement and all that. Idk. I guess my skull is a lil more receptive to advise. I try to live each day with no regrets and cherish what i have. SO, if if ifffffff you are considering taking advise today, then do that. cherish what you have. :) PAssin that note along from a better person that told it to me.


p.s. i hate havin to title the shit i right. lol. DAMNIT!

Reason

sometimes life is good. life is some times. so, life is good.

LOOK....L "Oh, O.K."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cI_0Hyn57Lk


STAND BY ME -

have some patience, see it through, its LEGIT


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIOsIbqpR5s

LEGIT! Sandthing. See for yourself


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpbV5Ti9OhM

Raheem Devaughn.
Always feelin.

new post

SPACEbar

here i am. now.

here i am now. waiting. and anxious for the things im waitin for to come. Excited in the positive manner. hopeful that transition brings change for the better. Scattered. tattered. blue. cuz, the future does not include somethings i wanted...something i want.

which accounts for my hollow state of walkin. silent state at the stop. waitin on a bus or train, or familiar face to come by and scoop me up and take my mind off what im already missing.

day whatever

Why i gotta walk around with a hollow body? "skin and bones".
pretend.
well, smile. but my teeth provide a wall gaurdin my empty swallow.
although bitter sweet, this lacks much flavor at all.
tastes bout as good as spit when i wake up
got salt but maybe too much, a a sprinkle of sugar but surely not enough.
just kinda like a warm disgust.
i survive a broken heart so i limp maimed.
doin all the things i gotta do throughout the day cuz "you gotta do you".
mmmmmmmm
im bored and procrastinating.
writin, but not quite a poem.
quiet company for my home
alone.

present

My PRESENT is a gift.
feeling like something else...

.....................................................
i feel just as lame as you right now...because i am. Until i accept my humanity i will feel despondent and uncomfortable.

here i am.

I fear the end of things because of the obvious implication of the "E" word.

ride down a hill, gaining momementum, clutching handlebars, focusing balance....
...now do this without brakes n snip the sidewalk just at the bottom.

Joy removed?

Maybe im supposed to find pleasure in the mere ride...isnt that what its all about?
Sorry, but im the one who can't ignore the reality of the situation...and yes, im anxious (understatement).

my circus act, my desperatation contained within a thick glass bubble....for all the world to heed as entertainment. Uneffected.

couple things....

YOU ARE FREE WHEN YOU DO FOR THE SAKE OF DOING. (love for the sake that you love)
.................................................................................................................................................



why is that "relationship" becomes the only way we regonize, accept, and actualize love.

Love is love.

...................................................................................................................................................





sidenote: i dont mean to sound arrogant by speaking about "truth". I dont assume to know everything but i figure i should pass on at least what ive come to see. you can fight me on it. no biggie.

somethin up

I want to offer something postive....lemmi love people.. check this out.

consider a lifestlye like...

(idk, was it kant? mmmm, maybe ill look through my notes and find the right philosopher that talked bout it...you see i remember the point, not the person...anyway we'll just say "man" to refer to the brain for now...)

Mr. "man" had a plan. well he had this philosophy about ethics. he suggested that the way to live right is to live in a manner in which you are not tryin to manipulate people. He says you should treat and respect others as rational beings. Accordingly, you should not only tell half truths, you should not deceive, you should not behave in ways that you are intending to create some desired consequence. Instead, you should just act honestly and be real, respect others, and accept the true consequences. Thats a real quick summary.

I've alwasy thought bout that idea and try my best to act that way. its hard to jsut be real sometimes knowing the consequences of respecting someone gives them the power of choice. it gives them power to respond in a way that might not be favorable for me.

1 year later, here i am hearing the same typa theme...Confucious (I'm positive its him this time). He says alot about how we should treat each other as human beings. He's proposing that we respect each other as a fellow man, brother, sister, other. We shouldnt race to take the last bite, instead we just hold our pace and if we don't get it, then so be it. If we come up second, then congratulations to our fellow being. we are all in this together.

Hmmmm wellllllll, kinda seems like im supposed to catch the point. cuz thennnnn....

weekend discussion: basically talkin bout a book called "the shack"...i havent even read it but we were talkin bout the theme in it (supposedly). Theme comes to be that we should focus on building relationships.

Im brought to think that it is very important to respect others simply for humanity's sake. Ultimately, LOVE.

I think thats a positive message and an admirable endeavor.
Thats my effort lately.
To love, unselfishly, no manipulation, deception, etc.

(see, im not always an asshole. and this was a thought worth readin right?) My attempt.

check mate.

writers block

ima take that as an excuse. a brain cant be dead. so find out whats inside it. its more of a drone block of people failing to twist their perception...that my thought i think? im thinkin that yes you can have more trouble at times but its all narrow mindedness. sometimes we stop lookin at the world differently. Squint, get some new shades, stylin and profilin. Even when we are different, sometimes we fall into the same ol same. Mix shit up. Prove yourself wrong. Distort somethin and put it back the way it was. Add a wrinkle. If we keep doin the same thing enough, that too will become habitual. I believe it exists....butttttt im startin to merely discredit people's creativity that that claim considering they cannot produce. gee wiz, good thing we're not professional writers. ;) can I turn my blog page into my judgin table? this is simply my online database to bitch right? i hope not for always but it is right now. lovely.

kiss

somethin about you bein my life
somethin bout you
somethin bout my life
somethin
sweet nothins